THE CALL OF THE WILD

A look at the emergence of Cougars and their male counterparts.

The Call of the Wild

By Neely Steinberg, a freelance writer living in Boston

Pandemonium erupted across the city last summer when a gorilla named Little Joe broke out of the Franklin Park Zoo. Luckily nobody was injured and residents of the surrounding area could breathe a sigh of relief upon his capture. However, a reliable source had recently informed me that our fabulous city of Boston was once again under attack by a wild beast. This time around, the deadly animal just so happened to be a cougar. In fact, hundreds of thousands of them were roaming the streets. Turn to your right and you might see one, turn to your left, there goes another one. Ok, ok, enough tongue-in-cheek. Let me explain.

I was recently acquainted with the term “C.I.T.” A couple months ago, I was chatting with a guy I knew at a Beacon Hill bar that will remain unnamed. Let’s just call it “Garvard Hardens” for our purposes here. We were talking about relationships and he inquired as to why a “cute girl” such as me was still single. He then joked that if I didn’t get my act together, I ran the risk of becoming a CIT one day. Not having any clue what this peculiar acronym stood for, I inquired. A “cougar in training,” he replied. He then went on to explain that a CIT was a single woman in her late twenties/early thirties who came to bars and sat with her other single friends in their late twenties/early thirties and waited for their prey (single men). At some point in your mid 30s if you were still single and going to bars to meet men you had graduated to full blown “cougar” status. I wanted to hurl right then and there.

The next day I woke up quite disheartened. The comments from the previous night’s outing at Garvard Hardens had me quite flustered. And then it dawned on me, the double standard that is. Shouldn’t there be a term for the male equivalent? If men can dish it out, can they take it? So I set about to find an appropriate animal that I felt could truly represent that token older guy at a bar hitting on anyone with an XX chromosome. You know who I’m talking about.

At first I settled on the “praying MANtis”, but I was soon informed that the PM is infamous for the female biting off the male’s head after mating. I then stumbled upon the Elephant Seal. Apparently, the less dominant males are restricted to the fringes of a colony and continually try to gain access to females. Furthermore, females will release an audible “bawling” sound (much like the groan of displeasure that my friend lets off when approached by the human version) when a non-dominant male tries to mate with her. Jackpot! Finally, we cougars will have the perfect comeback for all you seals out there.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to retreat to my den – my fur is starting to itch and I need to go soak my paws.