13 Things that Really Piss Off Howie!
Howie tends to get pissed off by a lot of things, just like me. Especially stupid people. Living in Boston makes you encounter these idiots on an every day basis. Since we think alike (much more than we would like to admit), I decided to give him his own page. Enjoy!
1) If you can't speak English, please do not get a customer service job. Who's hiring these people anyway?! Here is my typical morning conversation: “No not cream, skim milk…skim milk…Onion bagel not an everything bagel!! WTF?!?!?
2) Dude, John Kerry lost the election two years ago. Take the bumper sticker off your car. Is this supposed to be an act of defiance? It just shows everyone that you are proud to be a loser. I also don’t care that your kid is an honor student, that you think “Bush sucks” or that your car climbed Mt. Washington.
3) Uggs suck. They suck because the girl wearing them is for sure acting like she just came from a fashion show. This is always accompanied by a fuzzy fur hat, and sun glasses that are 10 times too big for their face. Everybody knows that you’re stepping those stupid boots into your Toyota Corolla and back to your mom’s house when you get off this train.
4) Here’s the situation; you're playing Madden online against some random guy. He’s up 34-14 with :25 seconds left in the game, and you just used your last timeout. 1st and 10 at your 15 yard line. He kneels on the ball, showing restraint from running up the score. With .01 second left, he calls a timeout, and kicks a field goal. I HATE YOU.
5) I hate listening to people talk about fantasy football. Stop spending 20 hours a week researching match-ups and coach a team for real. Every city is looking for football/basketball/baseball coaches. Ohhh, that’s right, you don’t have any social skills, and don’t really know how to coach. Loser.
6) Bike messengers, when I am in my car and stopped at a red light, do not use my car to balance yourself on your bike. Does my car say “I’m a kick stand?” I will continue to inch forward making you lose your balance, until you get the idea. And until you start obeying the rules of the road, I will not treat you like other vehicles. I will treat you like target practice.
7) Move into the train car! Don't stop at the first available pole and give your best Orlando Pace impersonation. If this is you, you’re an asshole. I don’t care if you are getting off at the next stop. How stupid is it to pack in like cattle, while everyone in the middle of the car has a foot and half of breathing room on each side.
8) Also, don't try to enter a train car before everyone has gotten off. It creates chaos. The train isn't leaving without you and you don't really need to hurry for a seat that you will use for 3 minutes. If you see someone trying to do this as you leave a train, lower a shoulder and pretend you’re at high school football practice hitting the sled.
9) Being fat doesn’t make you disabled; you’re not getting my seat on the train. And for all the able bodied women that give you a little dirty look for not offering them your seat…forget about it. These are the same chicks that expect to make the same salary as men. If you can’t stand up without complaining, how can you expect to make it in this world?
10) Most people crossing the street in Boston deserve to be run over. When did it become acceptable to dart out from in between two parked cars and expect oncoming traffic to stop? This is the only time I wish Boston was more like NYC. If you aren't in the crosswalk with the little sign saying it is safe to cross, you will get clipped.
11) What happed to Slam Ball?!?! That sport was awesome. I thought it would surpass football in popularity by the year 2008. Was there some horrific Slam Ball injury I didn’t hear about? Was there really not enough of an audience? There are 800 makeover shows…and Slam Ball gets taken off the air? It’s just not right.
12) Those sweet Brookstone massage chairs should have a 2 minute max! People come in there after work, take their jacket and shoes off, put on a little mood music and drift off. There is a line 6 people deep waiting for a little massage chair action, and this lady is snoring in the freakin’ chair.
13) I hate any guy who doesn’t know when he is cock-blocking his friend. If it is 3 am and some girl is sitting on your buddies lap in your apartment…it isn’t from lack of seating. Leave them alone! Why is it so hard for some guys to understand what is going on?
Honestly, why does this sport not have it's own TV channel? When ESPN 6 is rolled out, it should be dedicated only to Slam Ball.
Actually, maybe this is why there is no Slam Ball on TV. Idiots ruined it for the rest of us. I don't even bad for this clown. This is funny as hell! Even his friends are cracking up when he starts crying like a bitch!
