Thirsty13 Goes International
by The Doctor
additions by BP
Thirsty13 Goes International:
1. Chicks in Paris are MUCH hotter than their American counterparts. You can find hot girls anywhere if you look hard enough, but in Paris they are everywhere. I have never seen so much consistent talent in one city. Here's the "exchange rate" for you: a '5' in Paris would be an '8.5' back home. Oddly enough, these insanely hot women are usually with scummy French dudes. WTF!
2. Parisians do NOT look where they are going when walking down the street and will not get out of your way...ever.
3. I was expecting the stereotype that French people are ridiculously rude to hold true. Sorry to disappoint you, Freedom Fry Fans, but it's either it's a myth or none of us encountered it after being there for a week. Sure, there was an occasional dickhead waiter or snooty salesperson but no more than you would find in Boston or LA.
4. No one wears shorts in Paris...even when it's 95 degrees. If you see someone rocking shorts, it'll probably be accompanied by a fanny-pack and a Pittsburgh Steelers tank-top. On the plus side, no one wear Crocs either. [If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, see ACROCalypse Now on the Kicks page.]
5. It wasn't a surprise to me and it probably won't be to you either, but shit is crazy expensive (on top of the terrible exchange rate). At one club in Paris, I paid 17 Euros for a Grey Goose and Tonic - that's almost $22! I bought a can of Coke in London and it cost me 2 Pounds - about $3.78. I should have brought some Top Ramen.
6. One stereotype that did hold true: English food is not good. You can find good restaurants in London but once you get out to the countryside, forget about it. Everything is covered with butter or mayo, or both. Seriously. The best meal I had there was from Subway...and even that wasn't great. When asked if I wanted mayo on my sub, I should have known better. She used about half of the container and then had to change her gloves afterwards. No joke.
7. Service is pathetic. Most of the time the tip is included so that doesn't help. Here's an example: for my buddy's wedding about 3 hours outside of London, we stayed at a small inn called The Mullions. The "Mullions"? Yikes - it sounds like something you caught from that skank you picked up at The Rack last weekend. Anyway, when one of us checked in, the cranky inn-wench behind the desk said something like, "Oh, you're here for that wedding?? The rehearsal dinner is tonight and it's a LOT of work." Sorry to put you out by booking your crappy-ass inn to capacity and paying you to serve us mayo sandwiches while we drank at your bar all night. Cheers, fuckers!
8. A LOT of French people have serious B.O. issues. Not only is French B.O. widespread, but it smells...different. Où est le désodorant?
9. There is a much higher age for acceptable MILFs in Paris. There were MILFs easily in their 50s that were turning heads.
10. Driving on the left side of the road took some getting used to. One day, in a span of 3 minutes, we turned out of a parking lot onto the right side of the road, narrowly avoiding a head-on collision with an extremely pissed-off English chick and then side-swiped a mirror on a parked car. Car rental companies should force American drivers to alert the locals before we get behind the wheel.
11. Evidently it's weird if you ask a Parisian store clerk how they are doing. On my first day in Paris, there was a cute girl working at the "patisserie" so I lamely busted out my remedial French and said "Ca va?". She just laughed at me. That night I asked a bartender about it and he said she was probably just caught off guard because no one does that in Paris. Maybe they're rude afterall...
12. English countryside looks like western Mass. It's a very long, very expensive place to travel…for something you can get 20 minutes outside Boston.
13. They don't have ice - or anything cold - in England. Also they don't have any good Gatorade. The result is the warmest, grossest Mango-flavored “Powerade” you've ever had. And you're hungover so you're extra pissed. Get some ice, England, this is ridiculous. Or at least refrigerate a couple things (but not the mayo or butter…they're perfect as is).
