THE GYM

By KK

THE GYM

Let me start off first by saying, you should never hit on a chick at the gym. We go to the gym to work out, not to be fresh meat for you fools.

There is one exception to this rule, chicks who wear makeup to the gym. Be careful, these gals are either sluts, fugly, or a stage 5 clinger situation.

IF you still feel the need, here’s a few pointers.

1. Never approach a female when she’s in the middle of an aerobic workout. For you meatheads out there, aerobic exercise includes; Stairmasters, Treadmills, Elliptical, Bikes, etc. Even if you have a chance in hell with her, she doesn’t want to talk to you when she’s sweaty and out of breath (at least not until after the 3rd date).

2. If you have to say ‘excuse me’ more than once, she is ignoring you, save yourself humiliation and walk away. The earphones are meant as a cock-block buddy, BACKOFF!

3. DON’T try to give her pointers, you’ll just come off as an obnoxious prick (and you probably are). If she wants your opinion, she’ll ask.

 4. If you smell, don’t talk to anyone, never mind a female. Hit the showers, spark up the TAG, and then attempt conversation. (On second thought, skip the TAG, that shit makes my eyes water!)

5. I understand watching yourself in the mirror while you lift, but flexing in the mirror? C’mon!

6. Don’t talk on your cell phone at the gym, you’re not that important!

7. Don’t ask a chick if she’s lost weight, unless she has and you’ve noticed. This line is completely obvious, and can be offensive.

8. You may want to wear a cup. A kick to the balls by a chick at the gym is going to hurt a little more than usual.

Fair warning boys: If you’ve ever offended a lady at the gym, you’ve been a topic of conversation in the locker room. You’re now known as ‘That Guy, The Creepy Dude, Creeper, That Jerk, Weirdo, Asshole or some other pleasant pseudonym. You’ve been blackballed by girls you’ve never even seen before. You may want to find a new gym.

My turn to ask a question; what’ the hell is the deal with grunting while you lift? And don’t give me that ‘it helps me lift more weight’ BS.

-Written by KK

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