Tourists...WTF!!!

by BP

Tourists

I hate them. I understand that they’re good for the economy and all that…I understand that I, too, am a tourist whenever I travel, and that locals probably say the same thing about me. But y’know what they don’t say? They don’t say, “Man that dude takes a lot of pictures of squirrels.” Because I don’t. I don’t take pictures of rats either. But I can’t walk through the Public Gardens without seeing at least four or five people crouched over, calling squirrels closer for their picture, completely losing their mind at how close and cute the rodent is. Are squirrels rodents? I dunno. But they might as well be.

They laugh hysterically and with amazement, “Ahhh ha ha haa! Look how close he is!” And their lame pal says, “Yeah, wow – get a picture!” I can’t, for the life of me, imagine the reactions from these morons’ friends when they check out the vacation photos after the trip. Well I guess I can imagine their reaction…it’d be something like, “Hmmm…a squirrel…awesome pic dude…it’s a framer for sure.” No. They don’t say that.

Don’t they have squirrels in other countries…or other states for that matter? They do, that was a rhetorical question. I’ve seen ’em and they look exactly the same everywhere. I mean this is ridiculous. People – it’s a fucking squirrel.

That reminds me…whoever you are that keep feeding the pigeons? Stop it. Get a pet – even a gross cat or something – but stop making friends with the flying rats. They’re fat already, they shit all over the place, and they fly way too close to my head – all because you keep feeding them. Get a hobby.

-BP